How to Speak Sundance
Every year Sundance publishes a catalog of all the movies in the festival. These are meant to help the moviegoer decide which films to attend. Now to be clear, these are not your traditional “reviews.” They typically include a brief synopsis, accompanied by over-the-top glowing praise of the film set to lofty and pretentious prose. For example (and I’m not making this up):
“… (the director’s) brilliance lies in her ability to maximize dramatic moments and expose the machinery of psychological change while lithely moving the story forward.”
Based on a bookful of descriptions like these, you might expect to see 212 Oscar nominations coming out of the festival this year (one for each movie). But that’s never the case. In fact, despite these glowing reports, some of the movies are painfully bad and will never make it to a single theatre. So what can you really know from the catalog?
After years of practice, I have begun to understand the hidden meaning in these commentaries, but it takes a certain amount of deciphering. Here are few examples taken out of real-life descriptions from the 2005 catalog:
If the movie has "nuanced phrasing” …
It means that it is slow-moving and boring.
When it says the movie provides a “sobering look at life” …
It means you’ll be completely depressed, perhaps even suicidal, by the end.
If the director “creates an aesthetic” …
It will be a weird movie.
If the word “experimental” is used anywhere in the description …
It will be even weirder—a truly bizarre film that will never get released and only a few sociopaths will even buy the DVD.
If you’re told that it is a “moving film” …
It means somebody dies, probably your favorite character.
If we learn that the director has captured “earthy desires” of the characters …
This will be a dirty movie.
If the term “sexual energy” appears anywhere in the description …
It will border on pornography, but with "nuanced phrasing."
If the movie is “charming” ...
It will be one of the few at Sundance with a happy ending.
If the movie is “complex” …
You probably won’t understand it.
If the film is a “metaphor”…
You’ll never really know what it’s about, but neither does the director, no matter what he says.
I hope this helps. But if the catalog says something like “This exquisite visual aridity, an austere editorial pace, and magnificently layered ambient sound create an atmosphere of stagnation and futile clamor…” Well, you’re on your own.
“… (the director’s) brilliance lies in her ability to maximize dramatic moments and expose the machinery of psychological change while lithely moving the story forward.”
Based on a bookful of descriptions like these, you might expect to see 212 Oscar nominations coming out of the festival this year (one for each movie). But that’s never the case. In fact, despite these glowing reports, some of the movies are painfully bad and will never make it to a single theatre. So what can you really know from the catalog?
After years of practice, I have begun to understand the hidden meaning in these commentaries, but it takes a certain amount of deciphering. Here are few examples taken out of real-life descriptions from the 2005 catalog:
If the movie has "nuanced phrasing” …
It means that it is slow-moving and boring.
When it says the movie provides a “sobering look at life” …
It means you’ll be completely depressed, perhaps even suicidal, by the end.
If the director “creates an aesthetic” …
It will be a weird movie.
If the word “experimental” is used anywhere in the description …
It will be even weirder—a truly bizarre film that will never get released and only a few sociopaths will even buy the DVD.
If you’re told that it is a “moving film” …
It means somebody dies, probably your favorite character.
If we learn that the director has captured “earthy desires” of the characters …
This will be a dirty movie.
If the term “sexual energy” appears anywhere in the description …
It will border on pornography, but with "nuanced phrasing."
If the movie is “charming” ...
It will be one of the few at Sundance with a happy ending.
If the movie is “complex” …
You probably won’t understand it.
If the film is a “metaphor”…
You’ll never really know what it’s about, but neither does the director, no matter what he says.
I hope this helps. But if the catalog says something like “This exquisite visual aridity, an austere editorial pace, and magnificently layered ambient sound create an atmosphere of stagnation and futile clamor…” Well, you’re on your own.
posted by Bill at 5:36 PM
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